Losing it and Finding It

What have a lost and found.....my voice!

Being part of a small local community was a blessing to me and my family, but unfortunately I found out how hurtful and difficult that same community would be, if I was completely honest about myself within that community.

My family started finally attending a local church and within a few months my husband and our daughter was saved and baptized. Then a few months later the church split. Wow, talk about major changes all in less than two years.

Within the course of a little over six years in the new church we had watched issue after issue come about among members and leaders. Everyone had their own stories, but so many, including myself didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell all and be transparent within the congregation.

Oh I wanted to tell all, I wanted people to understand why emotions were all over the place, why I had a hard time being comfortable and trusting people. I would make the decision that I was going to tell a friend what I was withholding, but every time I came to the most pivotal moment, or would ask for accountability partners, nobody wanted to listen or take on the obligation. So I just decided I didn’t want to hurt anyone else by being too honest, or by being too much trouble for anyone, therefore, I would just stay to myself. Speak when I saw the people and be nice, but just not expect anything from anyone. Then when the truth finally all came out, it hurt several people and we were basically ask to leave the church a few years ago. To this point, we have heard from a total of six families within the community and some of that was at the passing of my mother.

As a member of the launch team for Jo Ann Fore’s book “When a Woman Finds Her Voice, Overcoming Your Life Hurts and Using Your Voice to Make a Difference.” God placed in my life the following quote "When we stifle the need for connection, we sacrifice a healing intimacy and companionship, forfeiting the opportunity to unfold that which cannot be discovered in solitude."

I completely agree with the quote, I could never imagine going through any part of life without someone to talk to, someone that can understand what it is like to be a woman, wife, mother, business owner, servant, sibling, caregiver and the many other hats we wear. We do not need a large community to help us find our voice and heal from all of our wounds. We just need to know God will bless us with the community He knows we need and wants us to have.

"There is nothing that replaces the open-hearted power of a live, intimate conversation with a trusted friend." – Jo Ann Fore, “When a Woman Finds Her Voice, Overcoming Your Life Hurts and Using Your Voice to Make a Difference."

Many of us have signed the Pledge agreeing to finding our voices and using it to help others. Please click on the link and come join us. Link to Pledge: http://joannfore.com/take-the-pledge/

To purchase an advanced copy of Jo Ann’s book, click the link below. Then on release date it will be shipped right out to you:
Link to book: http://www.amazon.com/When-Woman-Finds-Her-Voice/dp/0891123873

You can read more over at Jo Ann's blog, Find Your Voice Make a Difference, just click the picture!
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.joannfore.com" title="Jo Ann Fore"><img src="http://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a556/redemptiondiary/FindYourVoiceLinkup2_zpsc204a424.jpg" alt="Jo Ann Fore" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Finances, Teaching Your Child a Basic Necessity

Finances a Basic Necessity

 

There were many things we wanted to make sure our daughter, Kierstyn, was taught throughout her life, but three things my husband and I knew we wanted to make sure our daughter knew, as a young adult, before leaving home. None of them have been easy to teach but I found letting go and putting her in a “sink or swim” pattern has brought the best results. The three were, time management, basic household maintenance and finance management.  All are very important lessons to learn but the one that our daughter has resisted the most was the financial management.

When I left the apartment management business and went into financial planning/stock brokerage I learned so much, the first and most important question I had was “Why didn’t anyone teach my husband and I about finances and investing as we were growing up?” Instead we learn about it after we are neck deep in debt, have a child, a house we were outgrowing and NO idea about investing. Now they teach the very basics in school but still not what students need to go out into the world and be successful.

Tony and I came from families where inheritance in not an option. Tony and I have paid for funeral/burial for some of our family members and we help support children because the family members either do not have the means or refuse too. One way my parents did one better for me was teaching me about life insurance and always having your affairs in order. Because of that Tony and I made sure at age 18 we purchased our insurance and put a Will and Living Will in place. Then when I was pregnant we put everything in line for Kierstyn to have insurance and made sure our affairs were in order. This was crucial because Kierstyn’s heart condition has made her uninsurable for life insurance. Now at least she has some insurance if she has a family.

 
I had my first checking account when I was 16, so as soon as Kierstyn was old enough to open an account, she and I visited the bank and established her accounts. I was still one of the biggest control freaks ever at that time so needless to say Kierstyn, who hated math, would constantly resist all the pushing I did. In return I kept pushing her to learn about keeping a checkbook, budgeting, credit cards, compound interest and investments. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant time here at the Taylor home whenever a discussion needed to take place about finances. I kept letting go of some things a little at a time but was still controlling in ways of not giving her credit card advertisements when they came in and I was trying to keep track of her bank accounts. Finally I decided I needed to give in and just see how she handled things. I am happy to report, at this time, she is handling things well and has for the past year. She refuses to look at any advertisements, realizing her debit card works perfect for her. If she uses one of our cards that we have given her she always asks first, tells us what it was for and she pays us back or offers too. She is teaching dancing while going to college and has had no issues with her bank account that I am aware of. She does still live here at home but has actually ask if we would help her get her cell phone moved over to her name because she wants to take on more financial matters…She still hasn’t went in to talk to my former business partner about starting an investment account but I think that will come in time. Since I had to leave the business because of my health nose diving and my mother passing away things have been quite hectic but I continue to see positive steps forward, and since that is all God wants from us, how can we ask for any more from our child

Perfectionist "Unglued"

“the emotional demands keep on coming. Unrelenting insecurity. Wondering if anyone appreciates me. Feeling tired, stressed, hormonal.

Feeling unglued is really all I’ve ever known. And I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s all I’ll ever be.

What kept me from making changes was the feeling that I wouldn’t do it perfectly. I knew I’d still mess up and the changes wouldn’t come instantly.

There is a beautiful reality called imperfect progress.

Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace…..imperfect progress.

Progress. Just make progress. It’s okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again-and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward. Move forward. Take baby steps, but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good.

These honest words enabled me to begin rewriting my story. Not that I erased what came before, but I stopped rehashing it and turned the page afresh.”

These are just a few lines from two pages of Lysa TerKeurst’s newest book “Unglued.”  Wow, what a powerful punch these words provide. Imagine reading the entire book.  That is what a group of over 15,000 people are doing with Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study (www.melissataylor.org) we have just read the first two chapters so far and I have already received so much from the book, the leaders and the other ladies in my small group on Facebook.

I mean let’s face it, life is hard on its best day, for someone who was raised as a perfectionist and that good, is not good enough, life, at times, just seems impossible.   I mean how are we to hold everything together with all the expectations not only others put on us but that we put on ourselves.  We are made to feel as if we should be superwoman all the time and if not, then we are not good enough.

I kept thinking I was doing well learning how to be a better person and how to handle things better but I still was fighting spiritual warfare, still coming unglued way too often.  I knew it was in my thought process but I couldn’t figure out the steps to take to fix it.  Well Lysa gave me those steps.  Every thought that comes in my mind, each individual one, I just stop and ask if it is a positive or a negative thought.  If it is positive, yay for me & God, if it is a negative thought then I try to find a way to correct it to make it a positive thought.  One major thought I had as I was reading the first two chapters was “where was this during the first 20 years of my marriage and when my only child, an eighteen year old daughter was growing up.” I then realized, God put this in my life now, for such a time as this.  Why I didn’t learn this before, I don’t know but He will let me know in His perfect time. For now, I am to continue focusing on God, this book, and being a better person today than I was yesterday. Does that mean I have it all figured out, not even close, but I am making progress, imperfect, slow, progress and for me, the perfectionist, it says a lot about who you can become when you allow God to work.

Are You Staying Productive or Just Busy

I read the following quote this morning:

"The essential question is not, "How busy are you?" but "What are you busy at?" ~ Oprah Winfrey

Whoa....wait a minute, why is this all of a sudden jumping off the page at me, I've read this quote numerous times from various sources.

Then the small voice inside me, which I know was the Holy Spirit, whispered to me, "This is for you and all your excuses. Remember when you were working and you kept saying you didn't have time to eat healthy? Get the remodeling done on your house and it back to being the home you were accustomed too?  Accomplish the writing I had asked you to complete? But most of all, you did not have the time for Me (Jesus) and My Word?  You kept saying "If I wasn't working it would be so much easier to.....? Well in 2009 you had to leave work because Lupus, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome had taken taken over your body. I allowed this so you would have the time you needed to eat healthier, get your house finished but mainly to have the time you needed with Me.  Imagine, however, that still didn't happy, so in June 2009 you were diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer and since that time you have been mainly bedridden as treatment for one element of a disease causes set backs in recovery of other diseases.  Still, I'm not hearing as much from you as I should or would like too.  I'm seeing you are working with your daughter on the Ministry I wanted set up but it isn't as far along as it could be if you would spend more time with Me.  As far as your writing goes, there have been a few things done but nothing like what could have been if you were listening to Me. I have, however, noticed you have most of the daily television schedule memorized, you have become an expert on making excuses for procrastinating on everything and you have sleeping almost down to a fine art.  Please trust Me, I know you need rest but I know what is better for you than you do.  I will make sure all your needs are met, but you have to spend the time with Me necessary to accomplish your purpose that I have set for you."

So now I realize something I have been hearing but ignoring for a long time.  God allowed a few of the issues to happen but I have made the situations worse with my lousy choices.  Choosing to use excuses like I can't get motivated to get out of bed or exercise, choosing to gain additional weight because of lousy eating habits and inactivity, choosing to procrastinate daily on everything from paying bills to cooking and even some self-care, all of this leading to feelings of worthlessness because of not getting things accomplished.

Granted there are days I feel so bad I don't have the strength to hold my head up or lift my arms but those are the days I should take as "rest days" but even then I could turn the noise off and spend the time with my Creator preparing for the days when I do have the energy to write a blog post or accomplish any other of the numerous tasks I'm sure my family would love to see me do again.

So here what I must determine.....how will I break this cycle...the cycle of "didn't get anything accomplished so I feel worthless.  The feelings of worthlessness made me depressed so I didn't get anything accomplished."

What about you, have you ever dealt with this issue?  How did you handle it?  Is your busyness accomplishing what you want it too?  I'd love to hear your insights and suggestions.

Blessings

When You Wonder About Your Teens Faith

Wow, in a little less than a month my only child, my baby girl will be 18. She has grown up to be a fine young lady, compassionate, kind and intelligent. The biggest thing we are grateful for is her Faith. Last night my only sibling, her uncle who believes in God but has not been saved was here and he was asking us questions about scriptures on relationship issues he is having. It was nice to be able to hear her quote them, along with the location. She was also able to discuss the different Bible apps she had tried for her phone.

She went to a Christian school until fifth grade and attended church, church camps & then Campus Life through high school so I felt she has had a strong foundation but since we have been searching for a new church and she has started attending local college I didn't think she was keeping as close a relationship with God as she had been. It appears, however, prayers are being answered and she is still as willing as ever to discuss her faith and her relationship with God.

Now I guess I need to focus more on making sure I keep up my faith in her and God.