I read the following quote this morning:
"The essential question is not, "How busy are you?" but "What are you busy at?" ~ Oprah Winfrey
Whoa....wait a minute, why is this all of a sudden jumping off the page at me, I've read this quote numerous times from various sources.
Then the small voice inside me, which I know was the Holy Spirit, whispered to me, "This is for you and all your excuses. Remember when you were working and you kept saying you didn't have time to eat healthy? Get the remodeling done on your house and it back to being the home you were accustomed too? Accomplish the writing I had asked you to complete? But most of all, you did not have the time for Me (Jesus) and My Word? You kept saying "If I wasn't working it would be so much easier to.....? Well in 2009 you had to leave work because Lupus, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome had taken taken over your body. I allowed this so you would have the time you needed to eat healthier, get your house finished but mainly to have the time you needed with Me. Imagine, however, that still didn't happy, so in June 2009 you were diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer and since that time you have been mainly bedridden as treatment for one element of a disease causes set backs in recovery of other diseases. Still, I'm not hearing as much from you as I should or would like too. I'm seeing you are working with your daughter on the Ministry I wanted set up but it isn't as far along as it could be if you would spend more time with Me. As far as your writing goes, there have been a few things done but nothing like what could have been if you were listening to Me. I have, however, noticed you have most of the daily television schedule memorized, you have become an expert on making excuses for procrastinating on everything and you have sleeping almost down to a fine art. Please trust Me, I know you need rest but I know what is better for you than you do. I will make sure all your needs are met, but you have to spend the time with Me necessary to accomplish your purpose that I have set for you."
So now I realize something I have been hearing but ignoring for a long time. God allowed a few of the issues to happen but I have made the situations worse with my lousy choices. Choosing to use excuses like I can't get motivated to get out of bed or exercise, choosing to gain additional weight because of lousy eating habits and inactivity, choosing to procrastinate daily on everything from paying bills to cooking and even some self-care, all of this leading to feelings of worthlessness because of not getting things accomplished.
Granted there are days I feel so bad I don't have the strength to hold my head up or lift my arms but those are the days I should take as "rest days" but even then I could turn the noise off and spend the time with my Creator preparing for the days when I do have the energy to write a blog post or accomplish any other of the numerous tasks I'm sure my family would love to see me do again.
So here what I must determine.....how will I break this cycle...the cycle of "didn't get anything accomplished so I feel worthless. The feelings of worthlessness made me depressed so I didn't get anything accomplished."
What about you, have you ever dealt with this issue? How did you handle it? Is your busyness accomplishing what you want it too? I'd love to hear your insights and suggestions.